I have always been a go with the flow person, meaning I didn't put much thought into things, I just did what I felt like. Now, I'm not saying I'm irrational or careless, just more of a free spirit. If I had a nudge to try something new, I wasn't afraid to give it a shot.
Soooo, don't hold your breath but, I modeled for years, was in 2 singing groups, broke off into a solo artist, (and I'm no Beyonce, but I can hold a tune and grab the audience 😜), decided college wasn't my thing, instead I pursued a career as a hairstylist, was a stay at home mom, inherited public speaking after the loss of my sister, was a fitness trainer and now living in my purpose as a Life/ Motivational/ Mentor and all those positive names to help women become the best version of themselves and live in their full potential. WHEEEEW!
I honestly don't care for the titles because I've always loved, loving on people. The difference now is it's with intent, so I nourish and perceive my loving to love, people pleasing mentality as a gift.
In 2011, after the loss of my sister, I lost a sense of who I was and what the hell I was supposed to do in life. She and I were working on building an empire together. My plan was to leave the hair industry after 8 years of the same hustle, even with making the bomb money, to start a business venture with my sis. I was tired and ready for something new and exciting again. Our duo, was my way out. I was going to be the head of marketing even though I had no clue what that meant, but I didn't care, I was going to do it anyways. When my mind is made up, I put my all in it. Deep down, I wanted to be a motivational speaker, I'm not sure where this thought came from at the time, but that's what was on my mind. I figured learning how to market selling homes would be a stepping stone to learning how to market myself, when the timing was right.
Where are we going with this, right? Let me remind you, when I lost my sister, I lost a sense of who I was, that free spirit, living in the moment, go with the flow person, became broken and confused. Not only did I lose the big picture of us living out our dreams together, I remember asking myself , how am I supposed to motivate people, when I was lost myself.
My sister was the brains and I was the doer. I'm a hands on learner and go-getter, I freaking loved that about me. Latrece was very intelligent and understood the book smarts, strategies and big fancy words. She knew how to relay the how-to, for me to just do. In losing her, I literally felt like I was starting over in life, facing the hard truth that things would never be the same without her.
So, now what? Screw motivational speaking, I was hurting and grieving. Back to doing hair, praying and hoping, I'd find something meaningful to do in life. I've never been a 9-5 worker and I wasn't about to start. That's just my personal preference.
The crazy thing is, I inherited public speaking through our non- profit we created to share our story of Latrece's struggle with Bipolar Disorder and Suicide Prevention. I cried every time, even when I prepared myself, practiced, had my bullet points and everything. I hated crying but the emotions were real. I didn't want sympathy. I wanted people to pay attention and learn something from our tragic experience. I didn't realize at the time, that I was being molded. You know, that whole inspire and motivate people idea, I was now living in it.
I dealt with confusion, anxiety, self-doubt, overthinking and feeling intimidated, because I had no idea what I was doing as the Executive Director of our non-profit. The title alone, intimidated me. I didn't think I was good enough because I didn't understand how to run this type of business. It was a growing and learning curve that I had to embrace or fall short.
It took time for me to love the process, and I mean years. I loved the hugs, opening the conversation and the community aspect of it, but I still felt something was missing. I wasn't happy. I just thought it was because I was still hurting. But there was so much more to be revealed. I had to learn the art of communication in dealing with different personalities and speaking up for what I believed in, my values and opinions. There was a shit load of self-development and growth, in research, fueling my mind and sacrifices, including switching up some environments and cutting people out of my life. I had to reconnect with loving everything about me and stop self-criticizing myself, for not knowing it all or having it all together. I had to become more conscious of what it meant to stay true and authentic to me, myself and I. This may sound foreign to you but I had to reprogram my brain to not give a f*ck about other peoples opinions and judgement. It was rather empowering. Let's just say, when you have a passion and a reason tied to the things you do, you will stop at nothing to make it happen; my sister, my inspiration and best friend was and will forever be tied to my driving force. Everything I did, in moving forward after losing my sister, made me stronger, wiser, and more empowered than I had ever been in life.
Find your passion, purpose or driving force in life. Be aware that sometimes a door will close to redirect you on the right path, but it's up to you to see the blessing. Be mindful of falling into a victim mentality, feeling that you are the only one in a shitty predicament or struggling. I could have adopted the mentality of, wooo-is-me, my life is horrible, how can I ever move on, my only sister is gone, only 2 years apart from me, I can't deal, as a set back for depression, anxiety, frustration, and the reason things didn't go right for me. Instead, I chose to move forward, seeking strength, claiming favor over my life, even when I didn't understand it. I wanted to get past the pain, I spoke my truth in getting past the pain, I visualized getting past the pain, and I finally willed my way and got past my pain. Trust the process and embrace your journey. Don't get me wrong, if I could have my sister back, I'd be ready with open arms, but that's something I can't change, so why dwell on it? To be uncomfortable is my normal, pushing past fears, and excuses. I live in excitement daily, eager to see how the next chapter in my life will unfold, taking action one step at a time to fulfill my vision. My sister didn't leave this earth in vein, she is a part of everything evolving in my life and I feel her spirit rooting me on through this journey.
I hope this entry helps someone today to keep pressing forward, even when it feels like you are alone and broken. I encourage you, to not be blinded by your current realities, but to open your eyes to your break though and blessings.
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| I was blessed to have you in my life for the memories made. 💕 |
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